What if I have to work with someone with “LOW EQ”?

We all have to work with people we do not like. Most of them, we can cope with. Some though, are just more problematic than others. What do you do? If they are the ones you have to report to, have a cubicle next to or even come back home to.

This is a tough one to handle and I can’t promise a solution to all your problems in this one post, nor would I dare say everything can be solved with one workshop. History, Context, Implications all would weigh in for any real success to happen. Still I am going to share some tips that may be useful. (𝘕𝘖𝘛𝘌: 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘓𝘰𝘸 𝘌𝘘 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘹𝘪𝘤 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵).

We often say in the world of #emotionalintelligence,that at the end of the day, there is only ONE person that you have any influence and control changing – and that is YOU. And one truth I hear over and over agin is that when we change, it creates a different better, higher EQ response from others – and yes sometimes even those with “low #EQ“. It is almost like your own change created a ripple effect. So I would always say “𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗦𝗧”. Then bring your FEELings into the mix. What do I mean? 

📌 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗺 for they know not what they do: “Low EQ” does not mean the peson is bad. It just means that they have no idea how their emotions impact their actions and behaviours, which then have an impact on you and me. For some reason they have not learnt to regulate the way they express themselves too. All these can affect their stress levels and their interpersonal skills. It may be difficult but do not take things personally and notice how they are “like that” with everyone. Accept them “warts and all”?

📌 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 T𝗵𝗲𝗺 for they have feelings: And we all want to know that what we feel, which is often related to HOW we are thinking about somehting – is valid. And being acknowledged can go a long way in creating a bridge for dialogue to happen and can make a person feel respected. This can open up possibilities for a civil relationship to exist.

📌 𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱: This is a natural follow-on from empathy, sometimes creating that opportunity to chat and find out more about where exactly the emotion is coming from, can go along way. Remember anger often is a “disguise” for other emotions. This is especially true in certain cultures where we have not been taught to recognise and appropriately express the emotion we are actually feeling.  

📌 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪: To enagage means that opportunity to share how you feel and how their actions are impacting you. Giving #Feedback some years back to a member of my team I remember how genuinely shocked they were – they had no idea.  

Found this helpful? Other thoughts? Would these apply if you were a #leader? Do share!