What if I have to work with someone with “LOW EQ”?

We all have to work with people we do not like. Most of them, we can cope with. Some though, are just more problematic than others. What do you do? If they are the ones you have to report to, have a cubicle next to or even come back home to.

This is a tough one to handle and I can’t promise a solution to all your problems in this one post, nor would I dare say everything can be solved with one workshop. History, Context, Implications all would weigh in for any real success to happen. Still I am going to share some tips that may be useful. (NOTE: this is about low EQ not about toxic personalities which would have a different set of rules of engagement).

We often say in the world of #emotionalintelligence,that at the end of the day, there is only ONE person that you have any influence and control changing – and that is YOU. And one truth I hear over and over agin is that when we change, it creates a different better, higher EQ response from others – and yes sometimes even those with “low #EQ“. It is almost like your own change created a ripple effect. So I would always say “Start in You In mind First”. Then bring your FEELings into the mix. What do I mean? 

Forgive them for they know not what they do: “Low EQ” does not mean the peson is bad. It just means that they have no idea how their emotions impact their actions and behaviours, which then have an impact on you and me. For some reason they have not learnt to regulate the way they express themselves too. All these can affect their stress levels and their interpersonal skills. It may be difficult but do not take things personally and notice how they are “like that” with everyone. Accept them “warts and all”?

Empathise with them for they have feelings: And we all want to know that what we feel, which is often related to HOW we are thinking about somehting – is valid. And being acknowledged can go a long way in creating a bridge for dialogue to happen and can make a person feel respected. This can open up possibilities for a civil relationship to exist.

Engage them to understand: This is a natural follow-on from empathy, sometimes creating that opportunity to chat and find out more about where exactly the emotion is coming from, can go along way. Remember anger often is a “disguise” for other emotions. This is especially true in certain cultures where we have not been taught to recognise and appropriately express the emotion we are actually feeling.  

Let them Know: To enagage means that opportunity to share how you feel and how their actions are impacting you. Giving #Feedback some years back to a member of my team I remember how genuinely shocked they were – they had no idea.  

Found this helpful? Other thoughts? Would these apply if you were a #leader? Do share!