How can I #change them? How can I help them to change?
They should understand
They should be more efficient
They should study more
They should ….
The GOOD news is that we can definitely HELP and SUPPORT someone to change
The BAD news – THEY need to WANT that change
In my days as a young Manager and even when I started as a coach. I would get quite frustrated – I saw some amazing people behaving in ways that just didn’t make sense to me.
Not stepping up
Oh, and I did it myself ?
And I still catch myself doing it – like when I want my son to study (and he doesn’t)
➡️ Until I learnt that I CANNOT change other people, even when I think that I know exactly how they and their lives and work can be better.
Especially with adults.
THEY need to WANT it
Does this mean I cannot do anything to change others?
NO, what it means is that I need to change first –
1️⃣ Ask different questions
2️⃣ Practice different behaviours
Here are some questions:
✴️ What’s their ‘WHY?’ – What’s in it for them?
You know your why for them. Do you know their why for themselves?
(e.g. My son doesn’t have a why for studying – he just wants to pass! I’m the one who thinks he should do better)
✴️ What is IMPORTANT to them that is interfering?
It may be they have different priorities
(e.g. My son has the Nintendo Switch!)
✴️ What resources or skills do they need? (This is ONLY AFTER they know their ‘Why’)
Maybe they’re not stuck at the why but the ‘How To’ – maybe they don’t know how to ‘understand’ or ‘be more efficient’ or ‘study’
(We’re still figuring this one out for my son – the ‘how to’ of studying for him specifically. Which is different from other kids)
And I also need to practice different behaviours, here are a couple:
✅ Empathetic Listening
✅ Empathetic Questioning
What else would you add – what questions or behaviours can help OTHERS change?