How can I #change them? How can I help them to change?
They should understand
They should be more efficient
They should study more
They should ….
This is a question that comes up often in our workshops – specially when we are speaking about #communication or #influence
The GOOD news is that we can definitely HELP and SUPPORT someone to change
The BAD news – THEY need to WANT that change
In my days as a young Manager and even when I started as a coach. I would get quite frustrated – I saw some amazing people behaving in ways that just didn’t make sense to me.
Self-sabotaging
Procrastinating
Not stepping up
Oh, and I did it myself ?
And I still catch myself doing it – like when I want my son to study (and he doesn’t)
➡️ Until I learnt that I CANNOT change other people, even when I think that I know exactly how they and their lives and work can be better.
Especially with adults.
THEY need to WANT it
Does this mean I cannot do anything to change others?
NO, what it means is that I need to change first –
1️⃣ Ask different questions
2️⃣ Practice different behaviours
Here are some questions:
✴️ What’s their ‘WHY?’ – What’s in it for them?
You know your why for them. Do you know their why for themselves?
(e.g. My son doesn’t have a why for studying – he just wants to pass! I’m the one who thinks he should do better)
✴️ What is IMPORTANT to them that is interfering?
It may be they have different priorities
(e.g. My son has the Nintendo Switch!)
✴️ What resources or skills do they need? (This is ONLY AFTER they know their ‘Why’)
Maybe they’re not stuck at the why but the ‘How To’ – maybe they don’t know how to ‘understand’ or ‘be more efficient’ or ‘study’
(We’re still figuring this one out for my son – the ‘how to’ of studying for him specifically. Which is different from other kids)
And I also need to practice different behaviours, here are a couple:
✅ Empathetic Listening
✅ Empathetic Questioning
What else would you add – what questions or behaviours can help OTHERS change?
Photo credits:
Photo by Min An from Pexels.com
Photo by Caroline Veronez on unsplash.com
